I'm so, so dead part 2

I am imaging of my dad's face, deeply furrowed in wrinkles. I remembered that fateful family reunion last year, as that was the 1st time we all found abiout the crisis.At that time too, I finally realised that dad was not the person I used to know. I looked at him and see all those wrinkles and deep forehead cringes, that small cynical eye and that tensely-muscled arms. I was, of that very 1st time, felt afraid of dad.

And now, I was imagning that look again. I don't know why I kept going like this with dad. Where were those days when we used to play football and since dad was an ex-rugby playar, he kicked the ball past a towereing tree and was never seen again? When was the last time dad made silly jokes about every food on the table whenever we go to fast-food outlets? When was the last time I just tag along everywhere he goes, and he gladly introduced me to everyone as 'my daughter'?

Ok, stop the sentimentals already.Last week, on Friday, dad messaged me with those things again. He wrote them in capital letters. Either he pressed the caps lock accidentally or he's just mad at me.

Anyway, it goes:"WEell, that (website thingy) was a mystery even to me. As far as I know, two other people also has the keys to that office in my Lab (what an irrelevent answer). What brand of handphone (referring to the one I took)? it should've had a lot of numbers!

I replied: 'So what, you secretary did it(the website surfing)? from the website, though, the one who did this was probably a 25-yr old female. Anyway, I'm serious. there are only three nos in that simcard of yours."

He replied:I'm serious too. I'll check when I'm back. I'm on the airport to Chonqing, bye."

Then he sent more. I think he changed his mind, because it goes: "Just delete all the messages and nos. Somebody could (be) using the phone.

"Who's that somebody?" I replied. "And I'm not gonna return that phone to you, anyway."

"For example," he messaged. "Your brother. I'm tired right now. And I'm tired of explaining. Bye.""Yeah, and I'm tired of hearing all this junk anyway. by the way,"

I hit back,"That website was on your NEW computer in your NEW office. (no-one goes there except me and my dad.)You don't have to explain that anyway. I don't mind."

Wow, I was plain rude.

Anyway, the next day was graduation. And I had THE NERVE to message dad's girlfriend. And I congratulated her. I wrote "Congrats, Graduate." in a simple message that looked like my dad's usually short SMS. Besides, I used his handphone.

I got a reply, on the next day, by an anonymous number, late around 4.26pm. And that reply was in Voice SMS. My blood level just rise. I dialled the number. I perked my ears and I heard a small, girlish voice.

"I...just wanna say I'm sorry (trailing choked voice) I have done a lot of things to you...sorry. I won't (crying voice) I won't do that ever again. I promise. (silence) I won't do that again. I'm sorry. I love you. I won't do it again. "

My bood level rose even higher.(do what?)And all that weekend, I sat there, thinking what that message meant. From all of the conclusions I got, I had the nerve to interpret it into a breakup love note.

Maybe she cried because she promised to leave dad alone and never mess with the family again, I thought to myself. Maybe dad promised that "If you love me, leave me" or something like that. I sat there, thinking of how I am gonna face dad and say I'm sorry while he was sharpening his samurai sword to chop off my head (what good imagination).

When mom told me that I should go and spy again...I thought of saying that dad was really nice and all, and maybe all this time we were just accusing him. maybe he does not love her at all. But she loved him, and it was probably unrequited love. "Let me tell you something, dear," mom said, "There is a saying that goes, 'love cannot end in friendship but friendship can definitely turn to love. there is no way that you would be friends with the opposite sex without feeling anything."


Well, mom, you were right now. I got a message today, from that girl of course.

"Miss u and Gud nite :-* (a smooch smiley?) Lin's convo is boring without you, honey(did she just call him that?) In my brainless attitude after a good over-satisfying breakfast, I decided to impersonate dad again. Seems like miss Xab (Lin, her name, is using an anonymous phone no, another one.) so I used dad's phone to reply. Since dad's a quiet guy ( I don't know if he changed when he's with her) so I replied with a short "Why?". She didn't reply immediately, so I thought that must be her friend's number. So I messaged a longer one "why is that so?" to her real phone no. I am still pending reply.


Wow, dad. you just got a smooch from Miss Flirty Drama Queen.

I'm so dead....

Now I'm at dad's office, again; and I think his students are mad at me cuz I've been bugging them since 7 in the morning. Turns out they SLEEP here. Anyway, I'm charging dad's handphone now. Currently, I'm not recieving any message from dad.

hey wait...devil's luck...my phone rings (this is for REAL)!

Dad: To answer your doubt, I didn't see Xab since she finishes her exam last sem (me: so it's true! he DID met at the clinical conference!). You can destroy the SIM card, but copy other numbers. Don't be assertive (did he REALLY know the meaning of 'assertive'?). BTW how did you get the phone? Please respect my privacy!

Reply From Me: Dad, you left the phone cahrging on your tabletop. And a recharge card too. At least I'm better in hiding stuffs than you. Anyway,why do you want the numbers? There is only three numbers in that SIM, it's Xab, the phone's hotline (and another I forgot). One more thing. Xab uused your office didn't she? Then how could you explain the community website-thingy and all the job-searching websites? BTW, no need to buy me bags from Xian. (Mom told me last night dad called and he said he's buying me tote bags from Xian. It costs 300yuen).

I don't need any bags.

Last night, while I was doing my Physics, mom sat beside me and talked a lot (a year ago, that is considered as wierd). Mom, among others said that wives should not doubt their husbands (how about dad then?) and teenage kids like my lil bro shouldn't be shouted or he'll run away (since dad was out, he's always playing truant).

I did something bad. I don't know what I said, but them mom replied that "I wonder if he's seeing that girl again." I couldn't answer yes or no. I was afraid that if I did, It's gonna start a war. Then I made a promise to check his email and talk to his secretary. That'll be hard since today I'm fairly busy. Maybe I'll go there in the pretext of returning something.

Anyway, mom told me that my sis was a better detective than I am. She loved dad to bits (she told me that once) and mom said she's awfully jealous of ANYONE who gets to dad. You can see that by her investigation, she DOES know a lot. And she's coming home late this after noon.

Oh, by the way, brother, if your reading this, I know that dad is going to confront me REAL bad when he comes home. Don't be afraid of that. I can handle it. But you gotta promise me not to tell ANYONE, especially mom or I'll leave this house with the family car.

I MEAN IT.

By the way, mom just reminded me dad is going to come home on Monday. Monday???? Oh, no, that's just three days from now, is it?

Me: (shivering) Wow, that feels so quick.
Mom:It doesn't, at least to me. he's been gone since last Monday, and it feels like forever (that's how you feel when you love someone)
Me:Oh, I feel like it's so quick...I guess I was too busy (that's how you feel when you're scared s**t of someone.

Bye.

If I die, I want mom to have all the money in my bank account.

And for my bro to have my scholarship money. Use them to buy yourself an animator's computer.

And I'm charging the handphone.

Que Sera Sera

With my message yesterday, dad replied with "Too busy yesterday and stressed out to talk to you. I overslept. Please do not tell mom. Keep the phone(illegal one) off at all times. I don't want another TSUNAMI. Please do not get into my office again. WRONG!!!NEVER!!!!! Concentrate on your studies, OK."
Yeah, right. Now I'm at his office typing my blog. Nyahaahahah!!!! Very Evilly-disobedient me. Anyway, turns out that he was so stressed out because he cannot open his room back there in China, and he's late for the conference. I bet his string of chinese would lead him nowhere if he asks for help.
I just found out that I have an alter ego (and my alter ego name is NOT Suzie, like Beyonce's). My alter ego has no name, and she curses, she is cynical, sarcastic, fearless and totally respects no-one. I have this alter-ego as far as I can remeber, but it never showed up in public. This, as I realised, has surfaced because I had to put on two faces: The nice normal me with everyone else, and the hardtalk-me with dad. Since he is so similar to me in a lot of ways, I need to change myself before I started being so predictable as he is. I was confronting him with the skill of a 35-year old nemesis with a bad a$$ attitude. And I bet with the way I talk to him right now, he will SO kill me. Bad, bad alter ego.
Anyway, I tried to talk to mom about dad without giving hints about the handphone. It's kinda hard making 'in between the lines' conversation.

Mom: If dad was here, ususally he'll fetch you from class, right?
Me: No, I'd just come to his office. And he'd be packing his bags immediately and we all go home.
Mom: That's good. Less chance of him rendezvous with someone else after office hours.
Me: Do you think that he might be meeting someone, at, like....mornings too? (in referral to Xab).
Mom:Ah, no, he and that girl is off now. He promised me that. He swore on the Holy Book.

Well, mom. I don't know wht to say about you. At that time I wish I could scream it on her face YOU BLIND?!!! But I was afraid that if I told anyone, they'l tell mom, and mom will kill me because it looks as if I'm on dad's side right now.

As a matter of fact, I think mom will kill me too.

That's two people.

And if I confronted Xab like my alter ego wanted to, that makes three.

Sugar, Wer'e goin' down swingin'

Yep....It's all downhill from here.

I managed to get hold of dad's phone. And I can't stand that stupid message I found in that inbox. I felt like telling it to mom, including some of my 'classified' documents I get posted here. (yes, this blog place is exclusive. VERY)

But I kept remembering the time I fought with dad and mom. You know, the supposedly 'end of my detective work' thingy. Just a couple of days back I reviewed mom's send items in her phone. One of the message said 'don't let what happend to your mother repeat to your family'. If you had forgotten, dad does not know who his REAL dad is. He has at least three, including an abusive stepfather, a paternal father who dissappeared when he was a baby, and the one we all call 'grandpa'.

Although my mom means nice, but for guys, an insult to their own mothers are pretty sensitive. That's why 'motherfucker' is a profanity. Well mom, even though her means are nice, but I could feel dad cringing in Beijing. She was even worse then Materrazi calling Zidane's mom a terrorist whore.

Anyway, I decided to keep it from mom, like I planned. But I can't stand the fact that dad will probably be calling her again and it's my fault, so I used his 'illegal' phone to send a message to him at Beijing. It goes:

"I know about you and Xab. As a matter of fact, I know a lot more than you think I do. I didn't tell mom anything, and I don't share much of my stories with her anyway. But I want the explanation from your own words, dad. Don't worry, cause your secrets are safe with me. Do it quick before I sell this phone to a scrap dealer.(I really mean it)"

The whole afternoon is empty without messages. But I'm sure he'll crack anyway. As soon as it's 3pm, dad messaged, asking "Where R U?"

"At home," I answered.

"Get into your room, I wanna talk to you."

At that point I swear I could hear a horror movie song ringing in my head. And all the nightmares of dad stabbing me (or at least a bunch of assasins from China ganged up on me) was visually etched in my head, playing like a bad movie. I replied.

"Dad, mom's here. I don't want her to hear. How about SMS?"
"SMS is expensive. Here it's two bucks per send. Call's better."
"You registered to international roaming. One call rate anywhere in the world. And it's ONE CENT per SMS. I checked. So, messaging is cheaper."

A few minutes without reply.

"Fine," he answered. "I'll call you after dark."

"That will be after 8:30pm. Now at my place it's barely 6.50. So that's two hours from now." (I don't know the timeline in Beijing. I need to check later so remind me).

I prepared myself mentally and physically. Boy, it's sure hard to fight like this. I can just imagine dad's face right now. He could be as mean as a sabre-toothed tiger, with all his wrinkles furrow and his hair standing on end (what's left of his hair, I mean).

After all that preparation and even a special prayer to add, I waited for him in my room and he didn't even call. I was still waiting as I sleep, thinking that maybe Beijing was a couple of hours delay or something. As I woke up this morning, the call list is still empty.

I guess dad was just like me. A bundle of nerves.

I messaged dad around 7 this morning. "Well that was a waste of time, last night," I typed. I said to him that I have more time in between lunch in case he wants to call. I wanted to tell him that I think I had met his Xab yesterday, but I don't have the guts to send him on a heart attack.

I met Xab? Oh, I didn't tell you.

I was so upset yesterday when all the professors start to scold me by mistaking me as dad's student. So I ran to the door. This girl in purple shirt and pants bumped into me. As I think of it right now, she look EXACTLY like the picture in this blog...and all the features they described to me.

Yes, she was fair, but any good-woman would now it's due to the effects of thick make-up and whitener. That's unnatural beauty for you. No, I'm not just saying this to spite her. But this is to explain the contradicting statements from her former professor that she's 'tall and fair' and the other said 'she's dark and just average-tall'. Answer is: She's taller than me, but average-tall; and she's only makeup-fair.

Trust me. Only a girl knows that.

Anyway, remember that message she gave dad? She's been searching for him because this is the last week she's here, it's graduation day already. So since dad cannot reply his message without risking his cover on me (which he already did), she had to find out for herself what happened to dad. I bet those professors would tell her anyway, cuz they were there.

I hope I bumped into her today. Or at least dad calls me before I decide on who to sell his phone and upgrade my Nokia.

Oh mY god! DamNit!

This just in.....
I managed to unlock dad's phone.

How? Well, I busted it up until it is in the SIM blocking mode, and called the helpline for his phone-op. Remember the story about the gril whom I tried to phone-block? Well, I hadn't erase the number yet (lucky me) so I dialled it up. I got the SIM-Block PIN, And changed a new PIN at dad's phone.

I turned ON the phone.

1 message recieved.

"Honey, where are you...I came to your office and your'e not there ;)"

Sent by:

Xab, 017XXX-XXXX.

Date: 24th July 2006 (Dad has long gone to Beijing since)
Time: 8pm

the handphone......(and I'm so DEAD)

Dad's in China.

Mom, now she's the one accompanying me to and out of town.

Boy, she has lots to talk about.

Especially about dad.

Well, anyway, I need to go straight to the point:

I GOT THE HANDPHONE!!!!!!!

Steps to endure to get to the big-o-jackpot:

1: I wanted the keys so I asked mom. And she ASKED DAD. Hey, mom! The rule is here that if you wanna do something like this, you DONT TELL ANYONE! Especially the one you targeted! Of course dad didn't let me. But well, dad, your daughter is like you too....very sly.

2: I tiptoed into dad's office, with lights off and doors closed. Two of his professors caught me and grilled me until one of them explained that I was dad's daughter. That man was actually dad's best friend. The bad thing is, he'll probably tell dad. I hope he thinks that there is no phone reception in Beijing or he'll be calling him for a 'hey, you wanna hear about that silly misunderstanding we had with your girl?' My life would be over.

3: I ran away, without fulfilling the promise to backup all of dad's files into her CD-R (she said it's for the Family Court. Huh? Divorce?)

4: But not after I got that handphone....after I said to myself "If I was dad and I have a secret phone line, where would I keep it so it will be discreet enough no to be seen yet just under my reach whenever someone calls?' And there's, like 13 drawers and one safe box. I chose one, only one and it's under the table, right below the plugs (easy recharge), and ta-daaah! Found it.

But I need to ask a few questions to myself about it.

1: Maybe dad just have two handphones for his business stuff.
ans: I asked mom last night and she didn't even know about it, it was probably 'a long time ago'

God, help me. I just stole a handphone (That's a confession!)

2: Ah, relax, maybe dad didn't know I was even there. I'll return it back, perhaps?
ans:Fat chance. He probably saw me eyeing that handphone last week so he knows. Besides, why did he lock the door when he's charging it? So no-one would know?

3: Another two professors just saw me! One of them was my dad's best friend. The other think it was strange that I was at his office with closed doors and turned-off lights. What should I do?
ans: Nothing. I already explained to one of the professors that I was searching my lost files in there. They finally think that this misunderstanding was a good laugh. (after being grilled for half a minute, by mistaking me as their student, that is)

3: I just stole a handphone. Will he ask her secretary, then call the security, and send me to jail for tresspassing and stealing?
ans: Yes, he probably would. But if this is his handphone for 'illegal activities', he'd probably keep it shut. And, the secretary always keeps his door open to use the main air-cond unit in his room, and later opens it wide for the cleaner. So anyone would be a suspect, by that sense.

What shall I do with the handphone?

1: Tell mom that I never did get to his office, or at least tell her that I can't use the password-locked computer.2: Figure out the password.3: Check all messages.4: Force dad to confess and explain to me (by promising not to spill it on mom)5: Sell the handhpone. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
(hey, that's what we thieves do, right?)
If this is a big break, I'm willing to go to jail for it.
As long as you blog-readers don't spill the beans on me. Promise?

My detective work is done

That’s it. I’m done. All in the last 24 hours. All I need to do was get more info on that handphone of his. And what do I get? My mom spilling the beans! Of all humans in the whole world, SHE DID! And she wanted me SO much to spy on dad. Even she was the one who choose which university I have to go to, just so I’m able to spy on your little SWEETIE PIE. If I told you about the handphone dad would have killed me ON the spot!

Why am I rambling so much? Sorry, I am so upset. I am banging on the keyboards like mad. I can’t take it. Especially when mom told me about my freakin detective work. I HATE IT! JUST AS I was going to get my hit on the big thing. Just when I almost got my hands on that handphone. Now dad knows, he calls me stupid, freakin quarreled with me, and supposedly after this ask his secretary to ban my cordial visits. Fuk you people (I am sorry, I’m mad.)

I’ve never seen dad so freakin mad with me. I’ve never seen first hand, mom’s confrontation with dad. I’ve never been involved, honestly. But when dad starts accusing me of stupid and a big fat liar; and mom said that I was getting info on some girl and ‘you can’t lie on that’, I had to choose sides. At that split second, I chose dad. I told mom that the community website dad was trying to access was fake, and nothing more than a faulty link, and that I have checked it ‘just this morning’. Mom’s face was like nothing I’ve ever seen before, like she was hit by an anvil head on. I guess mom can’t believe what I said too.

I don’t know why I chose dad. The first thing on my mind was that I won’t be able to get hold of that handphone again. Or was it because I had been close to dad since I was little and I don’t wanna jeopardize that relationship?


But wait.

Maybe it’s just my brain, but there was something wrong with that confrontation.

By citing psychologists who study liars and truth-tellers, this is what I noticed:

Truth—when confronted, directly deny (I didn’t do it)
Liar—beat around the bush first BEFORE making a denial(Do you believe that I’d do that, maybe that’s partly true, why did you say that, people believed in me, everyone’s been asking that to me(OJ Simpson’s word), this isn’t the right time to say that, this is a special day and you just ruined it—dad’s word)

Truth—when confronted, tone of voice is really natural, albeit angry/confused.
Liar—unnatural, such as sudden high pitched voice, ‘hollywooding’ (that’s the psychologist’s term for people who suddenly become drama-like), gripping on edges of sofa or desk although it’s not a natural tic (US president on the Watergate scandal did that), and all of those stuffs the individual does that he won’t when he is naturally angry/upset. Dad? I think he did the ‘hollywooding’.

Was he afraid? Of me? And I just knew about his handphone. He gave me ten minutes on his PC this afternoon, and I managed to do nothing since he was breathing down my neck. I only managed to catch a glimpse of the new top-up card exclusively for a handphone number registered under a new phone network (similar to the new handphone’s). It has a picture of Lampard and dad was the World Cup-obsessed type so he HAD to keep it. But he did, putting it right on his little desk for me to see.

Boy, you can tell that you’re really stupid by doing that.

I am really stupid too.

Next time I won’t tell mom ANYTHING. Or anyone else for that matter.
You’ll be able to read this exclusively here, nowhere else.

What about that handphone?

Till we meet again.

I won’t forget you at all.

The detective's handbook Vol 3: Closed case

My detective work is done
(fuck you assholes!)



That’s it. I’m done. All in the last 24 hours. All I need to do was get more info on that handphone of his. And what do I get? My mom spilling the beans! Of all humans in the whole world, SHE DID! And she wanted me SO much to spy on dad. Even she was the one who choose which university I have to go to, just so I’m able to spy on your little SWEETIE PIE. If I told you about the handphone dad would have killed me ON the spot!

Why am I rambling so much? Sorry, I am so upset. I am banging on the keyboards like mad. I can’t take it. Especially when mom told me about my freakin detective work. I HATE IT! JUST AS I was going to get my hit on the big thing. Just when I almost got my hands on that handphone. Now dad knows, he calls me stupid, freakin quarreled with me, and supposedly after this ask his secretary to ban my cordial visits. Fuk you people (I am sorry, I’m mad.)

I’ve never seen dad so freakin mad with me. I’ve never seen first hand, mom’s confrontation with dad. I’ve never been involved, honestly. But when dad starts accusing me of stupid and a big fat liar; and mom said that I was getting info on some girl and ‘you can’t lie on that’, I had to choose sides. At that split second, I chose dad. I told mom that the community website dad was trying to access was fake, and nothing more than a faulty link, and that I have checked it ‘just this morning’. Mom’s face was like nothing I’ve ever seen before, like she was hit by an anvil head on. I guess mom can’t believe what I said too.

I don’t know why I chose dad. The first thing on my mind was that I won’t be able to get hold of that handphone again. Or was it because I had been close to dad since I was little and I don’t wanna jeopardize that relationship?


But wait.

Maybe it’s just my brain, but there was something wrong with that confrontation.

By citing psychologists who study liars and truth-tellers, this is what I noticed:

Truth—when confronted, directly deny (I didn’t do it)
Liar—beat around the bush first BEFORE making a denial(Do you believe that I’d do that, maybe that’s partly true, why did you say that, people believed in me, everyone’s been asking that to me(OJ Simpson’s word), this isn’t the right time to say that, this is a special day and you just ruined it—dad’s word)

Truth—when confronted, tone of voice is really natural, albeit angry/confused.
Liar—unnatural, such as sudden high pitched voice, ‘hollywooding’ (that’s the psychologist’s term for people who suddenly become drama-like), gripping on edges of sofa or desk although it’s not a natural tic (US president on the Watergate scandal did that), and all of those stuffs the individual does that he won’t when he is naturally angry/upset. Dad? I think he did the ‘hollywooding’.

Was he afraid? Of me? And I just knew about his handphone. He gave me ten minutes on his PC this afternoon, and I managed to do nothing since he was breathing down my neck. I only managed to catch a glimpse of the new top-up card exclusively for a handphone number registered under a new phone network (similar to the new handphone’s). It has a picture of Lampard and dad was the World Cup-obsessed type so he HAD to keep it. But he did, putting it right on his little desk for me to see.

Boy, you can tell that you’re really stupid by doing that.

I am really stupid too.

Next time I won’t tell mom ANYTHING. Or anyone else for that matter.
You’ll be able to read this exclusively here, nowhere else.

What about that handphone?

Till we meet again.

I won’t forget you at all.

I'll steal that thing!

It's official. I just erased all the documents about that in my thumbdrive.All because I wanted to download some Ayumi Hamasaki songs.Heck, I'm really not that big of a fan, but I wanted to do a favour to my friends by burining it on a CD.On a lighter mental note, I just found out ways to post blog, and yet go undetected. So next time some cops (will there be any?) trying to get to my blog, they won't get my IP address. Hopefully.

Anyway, some REAL news. Yesterday I was snooping around dad's office. How did I get in? His nice secretary unlocked the door immediately as soon as she saw me, even though dad was out on a meeting.What happened?The first thing I did was to open his mail. Nothing new.What's new, though, is that I found a HANDPHONE, SONY ERICSSON T68 on his desk, charging.Hey...I've seen that hp before...didn't he told me he traded it and bought a new one? Now he has TWO Ericssons!
Question 1: was the handphone his?Answer: I dialled my number using the T68. As it connected, it showed my caller ID. So it was his.
Question 2: suppose it was his secretary's...and she charged it there.Answer: The door was locked. And dad is the reserved type, he won't let anyone in. Let alone use his plug right on his desk.
Question 3: What's in the message box?Answer: All clean. Even in the sent folders, contacts and all. Pretty slick.
Question 4: What's in the Contacts?Answer: My name, dad's friends, dad's current phone number (written as 'dad') and...a girl named A-z. Coincidence?
Question 5: Why T68? That's kinda old, don't you think?Answer: Dad is used to the keypad. Sometimes he does not like his current one. Besides, he's been using that for like a year. I remeber that hp. I used to help him set up his WAP myself.
Well, that is the end of the detective handbook Vol 2. By the way mom woke me up super-early this morning (6am IS super early, in my terms) and she wanted me to send an email to Dr Ila to back off my dad. I declined. Probably I was too sleepy to say yes.
Bye, I'm off to dad's. Hopefully he's not there.
(evil Japanese laugh) NYAHAHAHA!!!!!

who knew.....that it'll be this way?

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you’d be around
Uh-uh, that’s right…
I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah, hey, that’s right.

If someone say three years from now
You’d be long gone
I stand up and punched them out
Cause they’re all wrong
But I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh, no…no, no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I’d give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For the long gone
I guess I just didn’t know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever…who knew?

I’ll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Till we…until we meet again
I won’t forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone say three years from now
You’d be long gone
I stand up and punched them out
Cause they’re all wrong, yeah

The last kiss…I’ll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memories
You visit me in my sleep
My darling…who knew?


Well, this stinks. I’m singing along to Pink’s “Who Knew”. It kinda rips me out a bit. Yeah, I know, I know; I shouldn’t be taking any song that seriously. But I can’t help it.
Today I asked mom why she was so loud and happy last night. Turns out, dad’s going to China.

China? Wow. I can’t even go out of town sometimes.
“Why are you so happy about that, mom?” I asked. It’s not gonna change everything except making us feed on our leftover pocket money. Besides, last month dad already went to Borneo! Talk about vacation at work.
“Well, the time dad goes to China is also the time of the Convo (graduation),”
“And….?”
“Remember that Miss Azie will be graduating.”
Damn! I forgot that. So, if that girl graduating, what will happen? I asked mom, but she continued her ramblings, like those she makes when she’s excited about stuff. “I was glad!” she shouted.
“You know what, when they say the Convo is coming, I was so upset. I know that in Convo they’ll definitely meet again, for grad photo sessions and stuff. So I was saying, to myself, I wish god will send him far away, far-far away, or at least got sick so he couldn’t even wake up that morning.”
Wow. I never knew mom was capable of that. Anyways, mom was so glad that finally God has fulfilled her wishes because she said ‘God will never go wrong’ or something like that. Means she’s one of the good guys. Whatever happens, I was a bit surprised that of all the lecturers in the university only two was selected, and that of one was dad. And of all times, it was on the date of the Convo’s, when all the Proffies are supposed to be manning part of the Convo itself.
“He’s such a cassanova. I know that if he goes to the Convo, he’ll be meeting that girl’s parents. And you know about their mom, she’s a snake herself. I know. The psychic told me.”
Did I tell you about the psychic? Mom, well, she’s superstitious. I’m not, just half-superstitious. I don’t know if that man was a real one or just a quack.
“That psychic said she’s on to dad. Like that other girl Dr. Ila.” She said.
Dr Ila? Hey, that seems a familiar name….flashback!

Monday: found an email .
Dad to Ila: Long time no see. How was your day? Tell me what happened .
Ila to dad: Okay. Well, you see, one day, there was this guy, and he’s like….(the contents of the email was so boring that I skipped it completely. Now I know I shouldn’t!)

Plus, I also found a resume form Dr Ila. Luckily at that time, I mistook this resume for Azie’s so I copied it. I gave them to mom. She was surprised that the date was June this year. She crossed-reference the date with her own diary….and guess what? An entry was about how she found a phone number on the bill that kept calling for every two minutes, and that number corresponds the address on that resume! The number was under an assumed company name (what kind of company has a mobile phone number as the office number? Can’t fool us, dad).
And remember the previous entry about my detective work stuffs? Ah, I let mom look at that picture, and those documents. She identifies the girl, and while cross-referencing to mom’s database of students (got from dad) she could identify Miss Azie. Which one? I let you guess on that.
And, by cross-referencing a data from mine and mom’s diary, I found out that on June 2nd, dad was out cold but he went to the university anyway. On that day, dad was the supervisor of a student for clinical conference. Supervisors, in my opinion don’t really need to ‘supervise’ the clinical conference, that part s left solely to the sudent himself. So why was he there?
Turns out Miss Azie was timekeeper. Oh.

Someone else was kicking on my interests, though. This time a guy. He was also the technical crew of miss timekeeper there. Plus, he was there, as the same first year student as Miss Azie. PLUS, Azie and him (and another girl in the tech crew) was ALSO a repeater for THREE consecutive years. Coincidence? My sis, quite a long time ago found a message from a guy to dad, saying “Nice lunch meeting today, Prof. It’s good to talk like this, and we oughta do this often. I’ll help you keep track of ‘that someone’ by giving you infos.”
I bet my hands on it that it was this particular guy.
By the way, since now I got Dr Ira’s resume, with all her particulars in it, I can do the Phone-Block prank on her. All I need is her phone number…
“Did you get Dr Ira’s phone number, mom?” I asked.
“I used to, but I deleted it. That snake woman…”

Darn!

Anyway, there’s one thing about having AN affair, but it’s another to have TWO affairs at the same time, (not including mom). That sure gives him a bad name. But it’s hard for anyone to believe my story, if I told them. Even his sister thought mom was lying. Dad has a clean reputation. As a social man with volunteer work and a president of a few social clubs, it’s hard to mar his image cause even my teachers swoon over him. Lucky they’re my teachers or I’ll block their phones too. Nyahaha!!!!(evil Japanese villain laugh)
Just kidding.

The Detective's Handbook: Vol 1

That was strange...

The first clinical conference, of the 1st semester has four students as speakers. My dad was only the supervisor of ONE—her. Strangely, others do about different stuffs—and she was EXACTLY ON SOMETHING DAD HAS HIS EXPERTISE ON. Dad has a degree on a certain subject. A distant, rare, unpopular subject to say at least and she chose THAT. Is it because dad can help her? Hm…that was on 22nd July 05. Hey! Isn’t that the time dad started DATING miss A-Z? Hm….
Now, the rest of the story. A document dated 26th October, has the marks of the clinical conference. It has marks of three students—all but one wasn’t on the First Clinical Conference. Guess which one is the only one in the First that has her marks on dad’s marking sheet? Yep, Miss-goody-two-shoes. Yeah, she isn’t goody. Guess again, how much marks she got (per ten)?

NINE OUT OF TEN. Isn’t that amazing?

Look what’s even amazing. On 16th January, the 2nd clinical conference has started. Guess whose miss timekeeper? Yep, her again. One thing to note is that Dad seems a bit busier during these times. I’ll ask mom (make a mental note, you all) whether the hotel bills from dad were found around this date. On a lighter note, another student has dad as supervisor. And he’s a man. Both, on the second semesters, and the first semesters. Whew. Luck.
Now, now, it hasn’t ended yet. On 6th April dad received an email message posted to all lecturers, saying that on 7th April there will be the 11th clinical conference. Supposedly, dad will ignore this message since he was not the supervisor of any students. But instead, he saved the message in his computer, as if he was afraid that he’ll forget the date or something (heck, it was on the NEXT day you received that message dad!) You know why? Miss-affair-girl is RIGHT THERE. Although this time she does a talk about something other than dad’s jurisdiction, why would dad be there? Helping?

Mental note: If possible hack into the punch card system to know how long he was there. Hey, I am desperate. But for a reason. I hope none of the security guard sees this or they’ll catch me the next time I sneak into his room. There goes my detective work.


Apart from those stuffs, I also checked into the internet history…but first, before I give you the results, read these facts, that:
1: No-one of our family was allowed to be near that PC, (except me, sneaking)
2: Everyone knows online community websites was blocked in the uni’s server.

So who….tried to access that online community? And as if he can’t do it right, cause of all things, he tried to access it using Google. Like he’s not used to this online-community-thing. Plus, this certain community website (decline to be named) is strictly YOUNG PEOPLE only. Why was he there? Did he get an invitation from a certain young person (I get them all the time) to join the community? My verdict is this: Dad got an email from that online community, saying “you’re invited by XXX so ‘click this link’”. And as usual, he clicked it, and immediately was blocked by the access control list (server, I mean). And what did he do? He’d be hoping that it was just a faulty link, that if he tried from another place, it’d work. But since he didn’t know the real full address of that link, he tried searching it a keyword in Google.

Hah! Verdict given.
How do I know?
I think similarly if I were him. We’re blood-tied, remember.


Goodbye. Next note coming thru later.

I wonder which one is her???

courtesy of pam-pam.blogspot.com

Nyahahahak....

sorry, Miss Pam....
I took this picture.


Anyway, updates about the investigation.
Did I just call it 'investigation?"
OOOH!!! I'm a detective! Dream come true (wasn't my dream supposed to be a manga-ka? eh...)


Can't believe it!
I had an empty slot after some boring classes, so I decided, like, what the hell, I'm gonna do it today, now or never. So I slotted into his office. Freak! I had to think of excuses if he sees me. Number one excuse:
"I wanna use your water cooler. I'm thirsty."
EEEKK!(buzzer sound)Unnacceptable!
2: "I wanted to get the support signatures for course exemption"
EEEEKKK! (but still, a bit acceptable. But what if he found me at that PC, with a pack of crackers on my lap(his), and opening his History folder in the PC?)

So I went, and I had to scan through =200 documents and pictures quickly while glancing to the door to see if I'll see his heavy footsteps. I found, like a dozen, that's even after scouring the recycle bin too, and I had only like 15 seconds to see it and immediately send it to my bro so he could read it for me. The rest of it--well, let me read it first and then I'll tell you--tomorrow, hopefully. I've been I'll for a few days until now.

Okay, FYI my mom didn't tell me to do that detective work. Nor my sister or my brother. I wanted to. The adrenaline rush when you get that 'oh-my-god-what-is-this-document-doing-here' just keeps me going. Tell me bad, but at least I didn't copy out the final year document and sell them 5 bucks a piece.

I found also notes from his students. One said that he's REALLY NICE. Oh, sure, sister, why do I dream of him trying to stab me with a dagger? Why do I feel scared whenever I'm close enogh with him. Why am I only timidly laughing through his jokes. He scares the shit out of me. Ican see RIGHT THROUGH HIM. In each of those sweet smiles his eyebrows furrowed. In each of those jokes they were a word with one or two tones high-pitched than usual, as if indicating cynism. There used to be glances of "Hi, come in to my office", and now it's picking up the paper and tidiyng all of the documents before I had a look.

I found everything changing in this home of mine. Bro told me this place is cold war-like, but as I came home from college, they look nice. Maybe it's them--fooling me. Last time they did that, and I thought they were coming back together, until my sis told me he dated back with her and a piece of cake. I have become more paranoid now. When I was at his office yesterday, I was wondering if he had an 'unexpected leave' since he didn't even show up. I was imagining another date, with a bigger chocolate cake (why does it have to be chocolate) until I saw a wedding invitation for him right on his desk. Sigh....


I gave mom a motivational casette for her birthday a few days ago. Since this crises, she has been litsening to morning motivational shows. The title of my casette is "Helping you to cope the Tsunami of your marriage". Sounds tacky? Imagine my face while buying it at the bookstore, filled with kids my age. The writing on the inlay tackled me, though. It goes:

"Even the mother Earth has faces her own storms and hurricanes.....let alone life itself"


Hey wait. Now I'm freaking out. I heard sounds beyond the door. I hope It's not dad.

Man, I can't stand this heart pounding scenes. Except the detective part, I mean. That was cool, way above else.

bbye.

Hot chocolate and sexy parfait

Aint that great....
This is my first day after the orientation week of my university life. I don't wanna elaborate on that, though I'm pretty sure half of the blogs arouund the world had their bloggers babbling on about how life sucks, how food stinks, how you miss mommy, yadda, yadda....

Somewhere around the third day of orientation, my big bro messaged me. He told me that Dad had like, 30,000 bucks worth of debts under his name (and we live so frugal, yeah.)the one thing he does not know is that I already know. And there's more. There's also a number of credit card companies trying to put him through court for not paying 'a sum of debts'. Then, I searched his old card holders and found SIX credit card, yes, SIX, all from the same company, and all been cut (that means it's void, or rather exceeded its limit). And all cars are new. They are valid until at least this year or the next's.

At that time (the time I recieved that message, I mean) the same overwhelming feeling that I got when I first found out the court order came back to me. I was like boiling mad. I don't care if my seniors are ragging some kids in front of me, I just wanna blew up. Luckily, I'm a slow burner, and by the time the seniors told us that the 'appropriate punishment' was a joke, I finally cool down. Not all, though.

Around the fourth day, I recieved another from bro. this time, it is something I really DONT know. Dad has a membership in a posh hotel(I know that). One thing I din't know is the strange hotel bills of special suites for 500 per nite. And on strange days too. Days when mom was busy, and so are the rest of the family. Mom confronted dad with the bills but dad ain't budging.

The next day is what I call the OMG!!!! day. It's because that was the 1st time I used it. Really. Miss Az, the affair girl, well, mom called her. She said she ain't leaving dad, and she had DONE it with dad as a proof. OMG!!!! (that's the second, or is it the third OMG?). That explains the bills. Then that morning she also called dad. Dad told her he wants a break up (That word was UNNATURAL for him). Anyway, I was so burned up with rage that I took he phone no. and wanted to (no, not confront her) but block her SIM card. Did it work? Well, this part is funny:

Mr teleservice guy (MTG): Hello, how may I help you?
Me: Well, see, my handphone was stolen, can I block it?
MTG: Why?
Me: Because I wanna buy a new one. Now I'm using a friend phone and this stinks.
MTG: Okay, give me your phone number.
Me: Well, it's XXX-XXXXXXX.
MTG: Okay, what's your'e name?
Me: Miss Azi. Oops! Azie ...uh well, just Azie. heheeh....
MTG: Hmmm....?(pauses, thinking). Can I have your address?
Me: Uh, I don't have one. You see....I am waiting for the confirmation of my university to let me into college. So I don't have a permanent address.
MTG: Really? (starts to sound sceptical)Just tell me.
Me: Why do you wanna know? I an't got a permanent address. I told you.
MTG: Okay, just tall me the name of the university.
Me: Fine. XXX.
MTG:Okay now....your birthdate?
Me:Darn it! Why do you wanna know?
MTG:For verification. (Oh, oh...at his point, I knew HE knew. Cuz other people did this, and nothing like this happened.)
Me: Okay....er....it's like this....Actually, my friend lost the phone, and she's very busy so she told me to do it. (making a cute voice to impress)
MTG: Right. Now tell that freind of yours, she is the one who has to call us. tell her that.
Me: Right. I'm sorry(Did I say that?). Bye.



Awh man! I spend the rest of the day dreaming of gettnig to jail, just for faking someone else's ID. And trying to block her SIM card so she wont be calling dad again. I promised myself to buy an ice-cream to make it feel better. But I forgot about that. Now I'm dreaming of ice-cream again.


And as for dad..I can't believe he did that! I bet he's on drugs or spells or love potion or something,cuz nobody would go to a hotel and meke and affair, and NOT MAKE AN EFFORT AT ALL to hide that bills. Mom is not that smart to go snooping around, although she found more clues than everyone in this family combined. She probably got Azie's birthdate too, from dad's office (darn it! why didn't I ask her???).She got Azie's photo, and she aint pretty at all. Seriously. She's five years older than any other students in her course, cuz she flunked a few semesters. And that bushy eyebrows just dont match that eyebag-full eyes. Compared to the rest of the pictures of her classmates....at least five is more beautiful than her. Dad has seriously bad taste. Seriously! Or maybe his on love potions or spells or drugs. Nyahahaah....


As my university's shuttle pass through dad's former college on the way back to mine, I remembered mom's stories of how he courts her. That effort to go right in front of the girls' dorm with his mo-ped...and days of "can I borrow your ruler?" in the cafetaria...dad pu so much effort to court mom. Now he has put as much effort to courting that girl. how can people love two at the same time? I guess it's like, liking steak and barbecue. Or liking cola and pepsi. Or like hot chocolate and parfait. Parfait? it has strawberries and cream. MMMMM.......


I'm rebelling.